My hands trembled as I read.
Eli,
If you’re reading this, I’m gone. I’m sorry you’re learning it this way. I didn’t want your first day free to be another prison.
I’ve been sick a long time. Not the kind of sick you bounce back from. I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to hold onto hope. I needed you to believe there was a life waiting for you.
My throat tightened.
He continued:
Linda will tell you I was buried. She’ll say it like she’s closing a door. Let her.
I’m not in the cemetery because I didn’t want her controlling what happened after I was gone. She has a way of rewriting stories, Eli. You know that.
I swallowed, hard.
Then the next lines hit me like a punch, because they were so plain.
I didn’t come to visit you, and I know that pain is going to sit in your chest like a stone. I need you to hear this: it wasn’t because I stopped loving you.
I was scared. I was ashamed. And I was being watched in my own house.
Being watched.
My skin prickled.
The letter continued, and with every sentence, my father’s voice came through—steady, practical, like he was building something out of words.
There are things you don’t know about why you ended up where you ended up.
There are things I didn’t understand until it was too late.
I tried to fix them quietly because I didn’t have the strength for war, and because I was afraid of losing the last bit of peace I had left.
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