I was told my twin daughters died the day they were born. I spent five years mourning. Then, on my first day at a daycare job, I saw two little girls with the same unique eyes I have: one blue, one brown. One of them ran toward me and cried, “Mom, you came back!” What I discovered next haunted me.
I wasn’t supposed to cry on my first day.
I’d told myself that a hundred times on the drive over: that this job was a fresh start. That a new city meant a new chapter. That I was going to walk into that daycare, be professional, present, and fine.
I wasn’t supposed to cry on my first day.
I was unpacking art supplies at the back table when the morning group came in.
Two little girls walked through the door, holding hands. Dark curls. Round cheeks. The particular confident stride of children who own every room they enter. They couldn’t have been older than five, about the age my twins would’ve been.
I smiled the way one does at small children. Then I froze when I saw the girls more closely. They looked eerily like me when I was young.
They looked eerily like me when I was young.
Then they ran straight toward me. They wrapped themselves around my waist and held on with the desperate grip of children who’ve been waiting a long time for something.
“Mom!” the taller one shrieked joyfully. “Mom, you finally came! We kept asking you to come get us!”
The room went completely quiet.
I looked up at the lead teacher, who gave me an awkward laugh and mouthed “sorry.”
“Mom, you finally came!”
I couldn’t get through the rest of that morning.
I went through the motions: snack time, circle time, and outdoor play. But I kept looking at the girls. Kept noticing things I had no business noticing.
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